My life is sorta topsy-turvy right now. It's like I have everything I have to do right in front of me, but I'm either afraid to make a move or afraid to do something to achieve that goal. It's oddly strange and quite weird. I guess it's this sensation where i'm falling or something, but i can't grab a hold of my dreams fast enough. Life sucks right now.

ummm....right now I'm in a state of perpetual movement. I am so full of anger and hostility and regret and hurt, and it's all from a group of people that in a few years, won't mean S-H-I-T to me. Let me explain.

                 I work at Cheryl & Co (www.cherylandco.com), and it's alright. There are like 12 people that work there, and I can say for the most part, I get along well with everyone there. But yesterday, something really ticked me off to no end. I work in the evenings and on weekends, and so, the people I work with, we usually buy dinner. When I buy dinner for myself (which usually consists of tater tots and fries, or bourbon chicken), everyone and their mama wants to come and sample the delicious goods. I don't have a problem with that, however, I want those same people to reciprocate.

                 However, yesterday, I didn't have any money to buy myself some dinner, because I'm saving it for next week (in Columbus at Lodi Shopping Outlet) and for Christmas/Thanksgiving presents. Everyone else went all out and bought dinner for themselves, took like 20, 30 minutes for break (and I get yelled at if I take a break over 10 minutes). I was sooooooo mad. I wasn't hungry (I could eat all the cookies I wanted to if that was the case. But I was mad at the whole principle, they didn't even OFFER me anything. And I know that if it was them, they would have helped themselves to my food.

                 And here's the kicker: After they finished their dinner, they offered me the leftovers. What the fuck do I look like, a fucking dog? I told them hell no (well, I said no- but I wanted to say that). And then after that, I didn't say anything to them for the rest of the evening (That's what I do when I get mad, give you the cold shoulder) and they asked, 'what's wrong?'. I didn't answer, cause I knew if I did, I probably would have been fired. LoLz. But honesty, I have to admit a human flaw here. | I was truly and really hurt by that. Like it really got to me deep. | But that wasn't the only thing that pissed me off the past few days.

               I just got inducted into the NHS (woop, woop), and we have to pay money to have our induction dinner. The lady that runs the NHS mailed home the invitations to parents (Not To Me!!), and they were supossed to be back around November 1. My mother must have forgotten, and must have not been the only parent/child to forget, because on tuesday, the lady gave people papers written in all caps (oh, makes my head hurt) that they were irresponsible and need to turn the money in on time. And that she has a lot of things to do and we're wasting her time by being irresponsible.

               You know me. That lady was in for a rude awakening. But my mother told me that she had it under control, and she gave me a letter to give to the lady which said that I wasn't responsible for not turning the money in, and that my mother was. She also said that the paper which she gave us was really crass and rude, and not mature in the way it blamed people for not turning the money in.

               And today, my mother gave me the money to give to the lady, and this elderly ass, aspercreme and bengay smelling bitch told me this shit: This year has been the worst year for NHS, because of students not turning in money, and parents complaining. I sometimes wonder why I am doing this. And then she had the nerve to complain about how she has to be the advisor to NHS and teach full time, that she doesn't have the time. FUCKIN NUMNUT!!!! No one told you to fuck around and end up teaching the pregnant bitches how to get pregnant the second time!!!! That's so retarded to me!!!!!!!!! I wanted to tell her, to GTFOH, but I didn't.

               Then when I left, I called my mother and told her what the bitch had to say this time. She started to laugh and I told her that wasn't funny. It just wasn't. So, that's why I've been mad for the past few days. And because I can't find Karyn White's "Secret Rendezvous" on Project Playlist or Club Nouveau's "Why You Treat Me So Bad" and "Jealousy". People must not listen to good music anymore.